A lot of people came to this session. Why do so many of us feel the need to look after our confidence at the moment?

We talked about internal reasons - ageing, feeling like we know less and less the more we grow, life stages, hormones. And external reasons - how exposing the industry is, rejection, competition. And the bigger things - climate change, social division, having no answers to big issues.

We shared tools that have helped us look after confidence.
Here they are. I hope they help if you need to nurture that flame.

* When you've got a role that you don't feel like you're good enough for, pretend that the ideal person wasn't available, so all you're expected to do is to do your best in the circumstances.

* Write applications from the perspective of your male alter-ego. Or your more powerful alter-ego (wouldn't it be great if your more powerful alter-ego was female? go with whatever works for you.)

* Keep connections. Collective care. Sometimes a friend you haven't seen for years arrives in your life at just the right moment.

* Acknowledge it's all a cycle. Confidence ebbs and flows. When you're in a "fallow period" remember that you need that time. It's part of the cycle that will help confidence grow in the future.

* Trust things will change.

* Try and rely less on external validation. Be specific about what you want to get out of a project. Keep it in mind. Maybe it's learning a new skill. Trying something out. Building a new set of relationships. Whatever matters to you. That's your measure of success. Define what your path looks like.

* Remember this. There are 2 kinds of people in the world. Those who say yes and those who say no. The people who say no are rewarded with security. The people who say yes are rewarded with adventure. (It might be scary. But it's your adventure.)

* Champion others.

* Challenge the hierarchies that make us feel like we're at the bottom. We are all essential parts of the infrastructure. Don't allow hierarchies to make you feel low.

* If you have a 'limiting belief' (i.e. I'm shit so my project will be shit), turn it into a positive statement (I'm amazing so my project will be amazing), then ask yourself, "If I knew I was amazing so my project will be amazing, what would I do differently now?" Write down all your answers to this question. You can ask it many times. (From a book called 'Time to Think'... I think)

* Ask yourself the 'miracle question'. What would it look like if the miracle had happened? How could I tell? What would be the signs?

* Keep your eye on the 'chimp paradox'. Those distractions that get in the way of the thing you should really be doing. Keep focussed on what matters.

* Celebrate daily wins.

* Therapy!

* Talk about the brilliance of others. The next person in the audition queue. The person pitching after you. Get venues to ask us to pitch on behalf of each other (like a theatre version of mysinglefriend.com). It's so much easier to talk about other people being brilliant.

* Treat no as a gift. If you are rejected, you've been saved from a project that wasn't the right fit for you.

* If you are in the position of saying yes or no to people's proposals, be honest. Say no and why. Don't just avoid the conversation. You might say, "No to this project but I still believe in you and want to hear about your next project." But only if it's the truth. (Read Annabel Turpin's blog for more wisdom on this.)

* Listen to people who are talking about you being brilliant. Allow yourself to hear praise and compliments. Give yourself permission.

* Does confidence really matter? Isn't the important thing really belief? If we believe in where we are going, what we are trying to make happen, that is the key. Our confidence will come and go, but our belief will keep us going.


I hope something in this is useful to you. Go well.

Annie x

(And thanks to everyone who contributed to this list.)