Matilda Leyser, 11 February 2015

Mothers Who Make

Mothers who Make is a peer support group for mothers who are artists. Any kind of

artist welcome and every kind of mother, whether your children are newborn or

already adults. We meet on a regular basis to share the particular wonders and

struggles of being a mother and a maker. We also organize performance platforms for

mothers to share their work. To join the mailing list please email [email protected]

Meeting on 22nd January 2015 as part of ‘Devoted and Disgruntled’ at York Hall

London

Session convened by Matilda Leyser

Huge thanks for these notes taken by Shirley Keane and Caroline Thompson

Shirley’s notes:

These notes were started about 20 minutes into the session and stopped about 30

minutes before the end of the session

Apologies for not keeping up with people's names. Partly due to the noise and buzz of

the meetings going on all around.

The notes should be read as headings and do not reflect the passionate, vibrant and

heartfelt discussions that ensued.

Present were mums of young children, older children, women who are hoping to be

mums and Grandmothers.

From what I could catch we represented a wide section of the arts sector: actors,

artists, arts administrators, writers, singers, producers, directors.

………………………………………………………………..

Matilda Leyser introduced the session and welcomed everyone.

The vision is for Mothers Who Make to develop as a group that reaches out on a

global scale but is accessible for artist / creative mothers on a local level.

The meetings should ultimately allow space for a sharing of work and a developing of

work, as well as discussions about work and the daily dilemmas of bringing together

the two sides of the whole person that is the creative artist and creative mother.

Why does it feel like these are separate beings? How can we bring these elements of

our lives together? Shouldn't they compliment each other? Yet so often it feels like

they pull you in opposite directions.

Questions raised: -

Are you an actress or a mother?

Discussions centred around our guilt over working which then moved to how the

system is essentially a male focused one which does not incorporate even the worries

of trying to organise work for mothers.

Poppy – Metta Theatre

Carried on and brings her children to meetings and rehearsals.

(Completed an Arts Council application while in labour!!!!!!!!!)

Relies heavily on family support and also used Facebook to find people to do a bit of

childcare.

She encouraged everyone at the meeting as she outlined her sense of entitlement and

how she did not allow herself to feel burdened by gratitude for the help received when

others helped look after her sons. But outlined how carers, helpers, friends, family

actually gained by having time with her sons.

………………………………………………………………

Discussion on Environments -

Environments are either adult orientated and children are not welcome. Or they are

child focused but the needs of the parent are not accommodated. How can we create

more environments which are adult-centred but where the children are welcome?

………………………………………………

Leah, mum of Ruben -

Spoke of how it was fine to be focused totally on your child in particular in the early

stages, but that the feeling of wanting to make and work creatively comes back. (Do

some people lose it permanently?)

Being fine with little bits of creative work, but now wanting more time.

Leah has used PARENT WORKSPACE – casual work spaces with a creche in the

same space. (at Kings Cross and Chalk Farm)

……………………………………………………..

Kitty, children of 16 & 20 -

Spoke of the sacrifices, how everything gets put in front of that core part of you, the

creative you, how that is put on hold.

And then what if I become a Grandma? The ongoing cycle of putting everyone and

everything in front of your self.

…………………………………………………..

THE MUMS & BABIES ENSEMBLE

want to create a space that meets both needs – of creative mum and her children.

Meeting in MARCH at LONDON BUBBLE.

Additional information to follow.

……………………………

Kate, daughter of 7.

About creating your own structures.

The juggling of hours.

When it is helpful for your child to be aware of your artist-self and when you are away

from your child because of that artist side….

………………………………

Susan, children of 11 and 14

having children at different times from your friends and the differing needs of children

at different ages.

The Alternative Theatre Project -

Susan spoke of her interviews with different artists as part of the research for this

project.

The difficulties of working with people who don't have children (men or women) and

who are not flexible or find it hard to be understanding, with regard to the demands of

children on their colleagues.

And also working with mums (not necessarily artists) who are creative…

The reaction to asking a creative mum how she managed her family / childcare and

the response was ‘would you ask a man that?’

and subsequently asking a male artist how his family did without him on a long tour

and how he had not even considered it and struggled to answer…

………………………………

THE GOOD ENOUGH MUM'S CLUB THEATRE COMPANY

A theatre company that ONLY employs mothers - They have a Facebook page - check

them out.

Also Prams in the Hall - who bring their children into rehearsals.

……………………………..

Caroline, mum to Finn

One of the obstacles is how long it takes to get to a Mothers Who Make meeting, even

though she is London based. But it still takes over 90 minutes on public transport.

Never easy with a small one.

Wouldn't it be great if it was around the corner? (Relates back to the vision of how

MWM can reach out globally and locally)

We put pressure on ourselves to give 100% of your time to be with your child.

…………………..

Someone (sorry… didn't catch name)

someone who was nanny for a friend, which released her friend to work, but what

about you?

'I will never apologise for my child. This is a personal choice. ‘ e.g. if they are sick or

need me I just tell the ’employer' but do not apologise. ‘They are my priority’

Being creative is considered a luxury.

…………………….

The cultural /educational pressures

the kids are at school but there is football, ballet, music lessons etc…

More pressure

don't forget the ‘accidental arts’ that just happen at home.

Is this better?

…………………………………

Again the dilemma – Are you an actress or a mother?

………………………….

NEEDED - More companies that are compassionate and understanding of the

demands on a mum.

……………………………………

Dependence on spouse..

Yet if my child gets ill it is automatically expected that I will have to cancel and / or

reorganise my work.

If I get freelance work I have to double check with partner to make sure I can do mine.

The challenge of being dependent on your partner.

…………………

????? (name.. sorry) asked the question

What would a company need to provide to support creative mothers?

Answers (came pouring in!!!)

A support person who can mind the child while you work.

Flexibility with time.

Understanding when a Mum has to suddenly change schedule because of family

emergencies / obligations.

Everything needs to be taken into account on a wide spectrum from paying enough

(so Mum can pay for childcare) all the way to child friendly rehearsals.

It needs individual consideration.

How to consider each individual – making space for individuals.

But also Mums love the whole adult rehearsal space that is removed from the daily kid

space.

Space to be your total creative self and to forget your daily commitments.

Caroline’s notes:

I heard people's voices full of urgency. A desire to share their experience:

A woman with a “moody teenager” is collecting/ interested in collecting and archiving

the stories of mothers who are artists.

One mother with a 7yr old spoke of guilt and feeling she was under pressure to

choose whether she was primarily a mother or an actress. Guilt about taking time

away from being with her child when she needed her.

Another mother with older children spoke of feeling she had sacrificed a lot for her

children and will soon move into the possible arena of being a grandmother and what

that might bring.

The grandmother amongst us spoke of how living near to her daughter meant she did

a lot of childcare so her daughter can work. She wouldn't miss it.

There was much agreement that all the childcare organisation was down to the mother

and she was expected to give up work if her child was sick.

From the moment one mother was pregnant, she was asked what she was going to do

about work and childcare. Her partner wanted it to be 50/50 but then found it difficult

when she went away to work for six weeks, returning at weekends, taking a show to

Edinburgh. She, along with another mother, have just carried on as they were: working

for themselves, taking their children with them into arts funding meetings. Surprised by

the warm welcome they received even though one of them was told no children were

allowed in the building without an adult filling out a form of liability for their child in the

event of an accident.

A woman, not yet a mother asked for guidance and support in how to do it ..some said

more money, more snacks, more breaks for naps, kinder working hours provision for

childcare in rehearsal room

It was said that there is an epidemic of mental health issues among teenagers.

Solving this issue, our issue of how children and caring for them are integrated into our

society is core, is key to all. One mother said she wanted to storm parliament and take

over the house of commons with the physical aliveness of impro with kids!!!

Tags:

family, artists, mothers, parents, Parents, Artists, Children, children, Mothers